so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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