i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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