Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
