Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
