He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
