he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
