mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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