My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Enjoy the penises
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
