He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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