I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
