I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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