K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just cut my nipple shaving
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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