Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i now understand why vodka
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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