you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize