Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
