how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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