I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I understand Curling. That high.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
