dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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