Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
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Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
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Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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