I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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