I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
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Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
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It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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