I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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