i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
