Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Hippo gnu deer
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
