No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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