I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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