I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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