i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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