I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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