I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
