I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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