My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
