dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
