So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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