and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There r osticjed everywhere
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
