I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So vagazzling was a success
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
