she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
