Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
