i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
