Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Watching her eat just hurts me
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
