you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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