hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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