I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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