DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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