Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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