So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize