If i could tip my vagina, i would.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
