we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
