Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
