So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Bring me that man meat
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
