A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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