it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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