are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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