I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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