Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
