Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
