Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
