dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
