I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
