I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
