Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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