i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
