Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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