you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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