I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize