we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
