i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
