You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wish you could order shots online.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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