ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
