It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
