we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
