I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
