whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
honey bunches of taint.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
