You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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