I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
