she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
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