Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
