that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
