We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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